Samson

I watched again through the side window, faced as it was opposite the entrance. More hole in the wall than window, even though they had the money for glass. I would be too embarrassed if I was on the road anyways. His bare back was to me, and I could see the taut thin muscles along his back, tight then loose as the hammer swings. Embers flew onto his forearms but he never flinched. Sweat dripped down along his neck – how sweet it looked glistening along his shoulders. Glazed Sam.

***

Done for the day, I put my shirt on and headed home. Quarter of a mile away I could already smell dinner; lamb, I think. I was glad we were away from the rest of town, what with dad cooking that sort of stuff. I looked up at the setting sun – maybe an hour or so until I meet that merchant girl. I can still feel her hand on my arm when she asked me, much softer than steel. For some reason I wasn’t very hungry.

Dad said nothing when I came in. The lamb was roasting over the firepit in the back, stuffed with herbs. Carrots, potatoes, and onions were sizzling in a pan beneath it, catching the dripping lamb juices. Bread that must have just been pulled out of the clay oven half an hour ago lined our one small table. I sat outside and waited, staring at the sky.

The sun was almost set by the time dad pulled the lamb off the fire. He brought it over to our little table with the vegetables and started to eat. I served myself some meat and ate quickly, trying to be inconspicuous. Dad wasn’t eating though – he just watched. I finished and accidentally made eye contact.

“More.”

I hesitated, then served myself more food and continued to eat. I couldn’t stop thinking about that hand. Fist could barely be the size of my hammer. This time, almost half of the food was gone before I moved to get up.

“More.”

I looked at dad, but couldn’t look at his face. Instead I stared at his chest. I was very full. I forced myself to eat.

There was two thirds of the food gone this time. A half pound left on the maybe two pound roast.

“I’m done,” I whispered. The food pushed angrily at my stomach. Dad shifted in his seat and grabbed the remaining lamb. Thank God, I thought, and almost made it to the door, right behind where dad was sitting.

“Wait.” I froze, then turned around. He was holding out the last of the lamb, his dirty fingers piercing into the tender flesh, juices dripping down his arm.

I stared back defiantly.

“No.”

I was suddenly on the ground. I could see black around the edges of my vision. By some miracle I kept myself from vomiting. Dad towered over me with the lamb pinched between his thumb and forefinger.

I took it and ate.

***

That boy don’t eat enough I cook this fine meal and he think he won’t eat the whole thing he’s kidding me no boy of mine will kid me

Men need to be big and strong big and strong

My father kneeled bloody-faced at the foot of the big man on the street. I pulled on his shirt that night and asked and he rained down righteous fury like he’d read to me. That big man’s fists falling on my face.

Big and strong.

***

I make my way across the field to the edge of the forest. There’s a rock that juts out about a mile in as long as you hang on the east, she said. Dinner exits just a few feet in, and I rinse my mouth with water from the river that flowed in from the mountains.

It is very dark by the time I get there, but moonlight is shining well enough I can see her waiting. She is not afraid like me and in the light she pushes me down.

***

Mama says it is the anticipation that is half the pleasure but how can anyone know what to anticipate the first time they chew honeycomb. Shipped in a glass jar that pa brings back after one of his long trips I thought it would be good so much I begged and cried until he relented but it was so much better and how could I have known.

***

I walk back to the river with her because it is very late and dangerous and I would not feel right leaving a girl by herself in these woods. We are almost back before I can see it drinking but by then it is too late. I can tell it is hungry just by looking at it just skin and bones but still a predator. Swiftly it turns when it smells us (we were downwind) and runs very fast so I push her to the side and hold up my hands not thinking. It goes for my throat but I hold open its jaws and pull pull pull and it is to my surprise quite easy. Like how I keep ruining the bellows.

***

That blacksmith kid has something wrong with him. I am telling this whenever I can to Mr. Wattington when along his route he stops by each month but he doesn’t believe it that his only daughter would have any interest in a day laborer and I think to myself you haven’t seen the way she looks at him when she thinks no one is looking, peeking in through the back every day as she does. Maybe wrong attracts wrong she looks like she wants to eat him.

I am thinking these things as I carry the water bucket to the river but stop when I realize that there is a smell. I follow it upstream and I’ll be damned but there is some huge wolf ripped damn near in two near the stone bridge, blood and guts all about. Chunks of flesh were missing, must have been picked at by other wolves already.

***
When I pull apart that wolf I can see a golden sheen pour out of it and so I bend down to look closer and it drips viscous syrup I hear my name called behind me but I do not care instead I am overwhelmed with the scent of sweetness and I have to taste

What is honey well I think it is when bad things get what is coming eating only when one wants to eat is there such a good thing packed inside every living thing

***

I am cooking three chickens tonight I get a good deal in exchange for all those goods my boy makes first I cut off their heads and bleed them then pluck out all their feathers then have to take all the guts out and tear out the legs when you make chicken your cut along the shoulder then along the thighs and then separate out the breast which you can cut into four chunks and then all of it goes into the pot with fresh water and bay leaves thyme rosemary garlic lots of salt and pepper then carrots potatoes celery and boil for two hours until all the meat is falling off the bones

Sam shows up in time for dinner with that merchant girl I serve him in our biggest bowl he has to eat at least three of them if he wants to grow up big and

He says no what boy of mine won’t eat this food took me three hours I’ll make him eat if I have to three hours

***

Tore his pa’s arm clean off why does he look that way at the open wounds

***

Is there a sweet gilded thing hidden inside every thing

***

Big and strong big and strong