Joy

I was watching a ted talk recently [https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=iB4MS1hsWXU&feature=share] where a man talked about the way he handled a divorce in his middle ages, and all of the ensuing loneliness that entailed. He described being at home on the weekends with nothing to do and no one to talk to – tortured silence and solemn depression. In response, he discovered a group of people who emphasized connections with others. These ‘weavers’ demanded physical contact as a greeting, and tore down the many barriers that make the most guarded of us so terribly unhappy. Similarly, he described naturophiles that satisfy whatever is missing within us since birth with beautiful mountain views and long, forested treks. In his talk he asked the audience to consider these people and understand that they have something that most other people do not.

What strikes me the most, though, of this story that juxtaposes the downright cruel way we force ourselves to live, is this notion that happiness is inherently temporary. Certain ephemeral things make us happy – a compliment, a good laugh, winning a game or a fantasy football league or whatever. Joy, though, he claims, is the “…dissolution of self.” To clarify, the state of mind where you can put all of your body and mind and soul into something so wholeheartedly that you lose sight of yourself and your ego and your importance. All that matters is this project of yours – and more often than not it comes through service, or hiking, or other people. Whatever it is that makes you forget not just the daily woes of life but also of your own perceived self-importance that is the most destructive thing of all. The beauty of humility is the inherent acceptance that frees you from the self-inflicted pain of wounded pride.

This blog started with a question of what it meant to be happy, but perhaps happiness in and of itself is a myth. Instead, the much more important question might be that of a fulfilling life, purpose or drive, and how exactly on is meant to dissolute oneself. All those little happy moments are important for maintaining mental health, but there could be a foundation they must rest upon that allows them to accumulate into something significant over time. Let us think less of happiness then but instead joy, so that we might die content with the connections we have made rather than gripping lottery tickets pursuing pointless gratification.